18 year olds (disrespectful/aggressive phase.)

Wednesday 14th November

Dear Readers,

Before I start today’s article, I have to admit to you that between the ages of 13 and 18, I personally was not at all nice to my mother or to my eldest brother who took the place of my father to some extent, (when he died very young, leaving my Mum with four children to raise on her own). Even now at the age of 58, I look back and regret how I behaved as a teenager.

We have an 18 year old son called Victor who works part time in the bar restaurant and is currently studying for the second year of his “A” levels. He is currently going through a stage where he is at times both disrespectful towards his parents and verbally aggressive.

Olivia works very long hours in our bar restaurant to keep Victor in private education, as I am an invalid and can’t do my share of the bar work. Victor is a very sensitive young man and in fact broke down recently whilst watching the Festival of Remembrance. However at times he seems very insensitive toward us and seems not to appreciate what we do for him.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

My very close and trusted friend Chas told me an anecdote filled with wisdom, about 18 year old. It came from his personal experience.

One day he was working at a wealthy clients house when he couldn’t help but notice that the man’s 18 year old son, talked to his father as if he were a piece of dirt. As soon as Chas had finished the job, he was invited for a drink at the client’s personal bar and seeming like an appropriate moment, he asked the man why he allowed his son to talk to him in such a disrespectful manner. The man answered saying that it was just a phase that his son had to pass through on his way to manhood. He felt that his son thought he had to win the battle for male supremacy between himself and his father in order to become a man.

Later in my bar restaurant, this same guy told me that, his advice to all parents in this position was simply, to ride out the storm passively, never rising to the bait. He went on to tell me that to respond by arguing would only extend this process and could even in extreme cases; destroy the relationship completely.

Our son is a very amiable young man. He has a lot of good qualities: he helps in the bar restaurant whenever he is called, does a lot of homework, is generally polite, always honest, so we are very lucky that his only real fault is that at the moment he has a short temper and at times raises his voice to us.

We know that no problem between two people can be all one person’s fault. We are probably 50% to blame for the way our son feels and reacts towards us at times, therefore we must look at our own behavior to see if we are being too critical etc before we complain about our son’s. Also we must admit that Olivia being out at work in the bar restaurant for such a lot of the time, we are not able to give him all the attention that he needs.

We have a lot of clients in our bar restaurant who have similar problems with their teenagers, of both sexes and I suppose what I have learnt from listening to Chas’s wise client and to my clients in the bar is, that we as the adults must try to control the atmosphere and the best way to do this (And nobody said it would be easy.) is to back down as soon as our teenager tries to start an argument. It doesn’t mater how many times he or she tries to get us to take the bait, we should just back down, back down and back down again. It takes two people to have an argument, so we shouldn’t let ourselves fall into the trap of becoming that second person.

It's only a phase that a lot of teenagers have to pass through. The answer is to be patient with them and simply wait for them to grow up.

Good luck!

We all need some!

Cheers

Graham

>>Click Here! Bar Restaurant for Rent, Sale, Costa del Sol, Spain<<

(If you are looking for a really brilliant architect who is bi-lingual and will convert your house or build you a new one, together with all the correct legal papers; please email me through my website for more details).

Town house in Urb. Monte, Marbella. Needs doing up. Quick sale sought. Going Cheap